Q. I’m a single 30 year old. I met a girl a while back who I completely adored immediately. We have the same interests and background and great chemistry. When I met her, she had a live-in boyfriend, but they were already on the verge of breaking up, so I pursued her and told her what a wonderful woman she was. Then she told me she had herpes. We’ve been casually “not dating” for a while now (just hanging out at bars and a kiss good night) and I feel horrible. She’s a great girl, but I just don’t think I can give a girl with herpes a chance. Am I being ignorant? Would most people let herpes deter them from an otherwise great partner?
A. Love is such a gift and of course you do have the potential of getting even more than you are probably looking for. What most people would do has nothing to do with what you should do. You should educate yourself so that whatever you decide has nothing to do with ignorance. Then you should talk to the girl and see how she is dealing with it. Is she taking drugs to prevent an outbreak? What is her history of outbreaks?
Many people have herpes. Most of them have full, rich sex lives and are conscientious about not spreading the disease. The fact that she told you she has herpes means that she is one of those people and has probably always been responsible in this area.
You can figure this out. This woman and love are well worth it.