The Error of Omission
The issue is deep. It is certainly not conscious nor is the behavior that follows. The act itself is breaking an agreement. Beyond that, it goes against personal beliefs of both partners. I am assuming here that agreements are made based on mutual beliefs. When one goes against their own personal agreements and beliefs, it seems impossible that guilt (or at least some discomfort) wouldn’t follow.
Here is the worst part. If one doesn’t tell, it becomes the second act of betrayal. Now you have the act of omission. Continuing on, every time the partner has the potential of finding out the truth, the act of omission happens again. The number of missed opportunities to tell the truth is unbound. The acts of omission and the restimulation of the guilt are endless. The times of restimulation can happen at any time. In the example above, it could occur while watching TV and “women for hire” are featured. It can happen when the couple is being intimate. There is no particular time that the restimulation and the guilt that follows will appear. Once again it is important to keep in mind that this happens at a primal unconscious level. It happens without thought.
It doesn’t end there. The subconscious unaware part of the mind can’t handle the many omissions so there is a behavioral reaction. It’s more of a survival mechanism due to all of the underlying emotions including “getting caught”. Now, one of two things will happen or even both. There will be excuses to break away from the relationship so there no longer has to be ongoing acts of omission and/or one will become angry and critical of their partner in an indirect attempt to justify the original act and consequent acts of omission. In this case, the chances are good that the partner receiving the treatment didn’t do anything that would warrant the anger or criticism at all. It can happen at any time and not just during the process of restimulation. The whole abuse cycle seems unjustifiable to the person perpetrating the abuse and to the partner receiving it. After all, in theory, these are two people that love and care about each other deeply. When this scenario occurs, it results in countless arguments and persistent unhappiness until one or both partners can no longer take it and the relationship ends.
So here is the bottom line. The subconscious attempt to make the act “right” will never go away until the guilty party comes clean. Don’t even try to have an omission any time during a relationship. Ultimately you will lose what you tried so hard to preserve. To most people, the loss of the relationship is far worse than the work it will take to get past the original transgression. It is much better to have a loving supportive relationship where the truth is always the invisible third party.